We stood as Principal sponsors to the wedding of our office mate held last Wednesday.   We had imparted to the newly weds some words of wisdom that are surefire useful in establishing a harmonious relationship as they venture into their new life together.   In my almost 25 years of marriage with the same man, I held on to the following tips for a happy marriage given to me also by our principal sponsors during our wedding day and I am gladly passing it on to our friends.

Periodic disagreement is an inevitable and normal part of marriage and the resolution of such disagreements has to take place verbally.  Therefore, communication is the key.

However, there are seven things not to say to your spouse:

1. “You never do what I tell you”.  Avoid using the word “never”.    Firstly, it is inaccurate.It is probably not true that your spouse has not once done what was required.
2. “You’re just like your mother (or father)!”  By saying this, you are getting critical of his/her parents.
3. “You are misunderstanding what I’m saying”. This is a subtle way of implying that you are communicating clearly and so the fault must be with your spouse.
4. “I can’t take it  any more!”  In moments of crisis, melodramatic statements like this are common.  Such statements are often an escape from the responsibility to face difficulties squarely.
5. “It’s all your fault.  You’re to blame”  If, through verbal manipulation and domination, you come away from every disagreement absolutely blameless, then only one other person is to blame‑‑your spouse.
6. “I don’t want to talk about it”.  This is a very dangerous stage.  When communication ceases, the avenue for reconciliation is blocked.
7. “I’m leaving”.  Stay and talk things out, no matter how difficult.

Regular communication is a very important element in establishing harmony between husband and wife.  I hope that my newly wed friends will take these words by heart because it worked on my relationship.